In communication courses, coaches sometimes give an exercise: in a group where participants know little or nothing, they sit one of them on a chair and he stays silent, while the others have to guess what he is like, what kind of person he is. Usually they are asked to describe their impressions in two or three adjectives.
It turns out that the same person is seen quite differently, sometimes directly the opposite. Why is this the case? Because what we see in the other person is actually our projections.
What Is a Projection?
Projection is one of the mechanisms of psychological defense. It consists in attributing the phenomena of our inner world to the outer world.
Another meaning of “projection” is when a person gives some neutral stimulus its content, i.e. “he/she sees what he/she wants/can see. All projective tests (for example, the Rorschach stain), many art therapy techniques, and metaphorical maps are based on this.
Classic examples: a chronic jealous person is likely to suspect adultery because he or she thinks about it deep down. Someone who says that everyone around him is lying and is in some way dishonest with those around him.
When a person projects some qualities, desires, motives, he protects himself from realizing these qualities in himself. For example, a person plays at an online casino Nigeria the entire day, and it has been continuing for months, but he says that he doesn’t have any addiction.
How Is the Projection Mechanism Formed?
When a child grows up, he develops an idea of what is good and what is bad, what is allowed and what isn’t allowed. If there is a family ban on the expression of certain feelings (for example, anger, resentment, fear, or sadness), then over time the child starts to forbid himself or herself to express these feelings, and later – to suppress them so that they are no longer recognized by him or her.
An internal conflict arises between the felt but unconscious feelings and the ban on them.
The person can feel this as discomfort in the form of anxiety or irritation. He will try to reduce the discomfort, but since he cannot recognize these qualities as his own, the only way to somehow express his feelings and explain what is going on is to attribute these feelings or qualities to other people.
Not “I am angry,” but “they are angry,” not “I am tired,” but “you must be tired.”
What can we project?
- Any hard, unpleasant feelings (shame, guilt, fear, sadness).
- Personality traits.
- Current states (“you seem to be bored with me” instead of “I’m bored with you”).
It’s also possible to project desires that seem unacceptable, for example, when a person criticizes and ridicules in every possible way those who have money, it may be a sign that he would like this himself.
If we assume some quality in someone else, does that mean that it’s about projections and that we’re wrong anyway?
Not necessarily-sometimes we may be right. But the only way to find out is to ask directly.
By the way, the more closed and reserved a person is, the easier it is to project anything onto him, because he is like a white sheet.
This is partly why we may be so attracted to “cold” and “mysterious” partners: there is room for our own projections to run wild.
And it’s also a reason to reconsider everything that was said about you since childhood. Perhaps you are not at all what they said about you: they just put their own projections on you. Especially if you were not very open and gave little feedback.
Projection is neither good nor bad.
It protects against intolerable experiences, but it can severely distort reality – because we assume about others instead of asking, and this creates difficulties in communication. And sometimes her caring becomes hyper-peddling, preventing us from touching real desires and feelings.
